25 of the funniest parenting quotes from celebrities

by BabyYumYum
Funny quotes from celebrities on what it’s like to be a parent
Reading Time: 3 minutes

You know the old saying, “If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry?” Well, that about sums up parenting – and these celebrities said it better than we ever could!

Funny quotes from celebrities on what it’s like to be a parent

You’re just like a human napkin for kids, like, they just wipe their face on you and stuff. Tina Fey

Fatherhood is great because you get to ruin someone from scratch. Jon Stewart

What I like about having kids is when they’re on the toilet and you knock on the door, they just go, ‘Come in.’ Nobody else does that — nobody just invites you in when they’re on the toilet, defecating. Jerry Seinfeld

In the age of social media, when you can edit your life in beautiful pictures, it’s important to remind moms that all of us are wearing yoghurt and all of our hands smell like urine. Kristen Bell

Having an infant son alerts to me the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face. Olivia Wilde

It’s the best acting of my life right here, the well-rested woman. It’s my finest role. Kerry Washington

The first one, I almost became a doula. I was reading every book. I was ready. This one I haven’t done anything. I’m like, ‘Well, we didn’t break the first one. Ashton Kutcher

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Phyllis Diller.

Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream. Conan O’Brien

If you’re worried about your teenagers procreating, put them on a 6 hour flight with our kid. Scared celibate. Guaranteed. Olivia Wilde

Stop saying ‘we’re pregnant.’ You’re not pregnant. Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady hole? No. Mila Kunis

Meditation is my thing. But I’m not going to lie: sometimes I go into my closet and lock the door so no one can find me. Gwen Stefani

These Days, I Think Of Blinking As Taking Tiny Little Naps All Day. Ryan Reynolds

There are men who have scaled Everest who wouldn’t dare to travel with two kids under 3. Dax Shepard

No one told me I would be coming home [from the hospital] in diapers too. Chrissy Teigen

There is absolutely no way that labor is harder than installing a car seat, I just refuse to believe it. If it is, I give up. Chrissy Teigen 

If you’re not yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them. Mark Ruffalo

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. Nora Ephron

“It’s 8.30am and I’ve already gotten in 5 fights” – thugs, and parents of toddlers. Nicole Richie.

One [child] is like you got a pet. Two is like you bought a zoo. James Corden

Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse. Nia Vardalos

You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep. Shonda Rhimes

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Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty. Julia Roberts

A 2-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. Jerry Seinfeld

I Don’t Know What’s More Exhausting About Parenting: The Getting Up Early Or The Acting Like You Know What You Are Doing. Jim Gaffigan

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