I am failing – Annelie Fouche remembers thinking for the umpteenth time since 7pm (it is now 8.17pm). I can’t even successfully put my children to bed. I am terrible at juggling life and kids. I am never not going to be angry for not being the mom I want to be. I think they’d just be better off without me.
Any of this sound vaguely familiar?
Welcome to the ‘angry mom club’. Nothing to be proud of, but nothing to be ashamed of either. In fact, I think that there are more angry moms out there – just like me. Moms who struggle with being moms. Moms who have outbursts and meltdowns – just like their toddlers. Moms who wonder if they were ever cut out to be moms. Moms of toddlers who are sleep deprived and spread so thin, they may even fit back into their pre-pregnancy skinny jeans.
So where are these moms?
Probably hiding behind perfect Instagram pics and social media stories. Meanwhile, they are anything but perfect, because heaven forbid others should know what REALLY happens before and after those pics are uploaded. Why? Because everyone else’s lives seem so perfect and serene. Everyone else have got it together so why not me and my family, right? Probably because everyone else lies too!
Motherhood would be such a powerful tribe if moms would find ways to support one another more and judge one another (including themselves) less. For now, I have decided to find my own groove as a mother and worry less about what other moms are doing. I need to figure out what it looks like to mother three little boys (aged 4 years, 2 years and 5 months) with three unique little personalities, and how not to lose myself in the process.
“I need to put my money where my mouth is and reach out to other moms if I am serious about building real community with other moms.”
Building real community
It is often said that healing comes from helping others (or something like that). So, I need to put my money where my mouth is and reach out to other moms if I am serious about building real community with other moms. Groups on social media are helpful and a great place to start, so I am not discounting them – but I must also connect with real people in real environments. So, I have resolved to practically reach out to other moms in my immediate community over the next couple of weeks. Of course, I’m not going to try conquering the world in one go, but I have some ideas:
- WhatsApp some fellow moms and ask them how they are doing.
- Offer to take a meal to one of the moms who seems to be struggling a bit.
- Offer to host a playdate so that another mom can ‘’take the morning off’ or go on a coffee date with her hubby.
- Schedule some me-time with a fellow mom (no kids) to do something just for you.
- Ask a very close friend to hold me accountable for my anger issues and finding a way to work through it
Because I can stay angry and refuse to change, or I can get up and do something about it. I think I’ll opt for the latter.
About the author
Wife to one big, and mom to three little boys – Annelie’s juggling act also includes working as a freelance e-Marketing consultant, remembering where the last place was she left her phone and learning to cope with a family of six (including a delinquent Jack Russel) in their cosy home built for three.