Being a mother is a beautiful, but often bizarre, experience that could at times defy reason.
On Planet Parenthood a number of phenomena don’t work according to conventional logic.
Can you relate to any of these?
- Maths doesn’t add up for mothers. You spend 80% of your time cleaning and tidying, but your home remains 100% messy.
- You need to accept the appetite absurdity. Your highly nutritious, organic, superfood dish that took a lot of time, money and effort to prepare (and is carefully served in a bowl with the exact right colour and picture) is almost always less appealing to your little one than those mystery dirt balls hidden away behind the couch. The former mostly ends up on the floor, whereas the latter goes straight into the digestive system – no questions asked.
- Time goes by so slowly. No wait, quickly. That hour of playing blocks while listening to the Frozen soundtrack again (when are we ever going to Let It Go?) is an eternity. Yet, in the blink of an eye your teeny baby is a grown girl or strapping young boy.
- Language gains layers. Your understanding of and respect for certain terms change when you have children. For instance, “because” is upgraded from common conjunction to complex thesis in which is locked up the perfect answer to a wide array of arguments or philosophical questions.
Exhibit A: “Why can’t I have another biscuit?” – “Because!”
“Why do leaves turn brown and not blue?” – “Because!”
- Limbs turn out to be dispensable. There is nothing like having a baby to teach you that you actually never needed all your body parts. You surprise yourself with all kinds of amazing activities (including typing, cooking, tidying, applying makeup, etc.) you manage to do with only one hand or by simply using your feet. It’s quite impressive.
- Family finances are downright freaky. Technically, you cannot afford kids. But the more you have of them, the more you are affording them after all.
- Your history is hacked. Even certain facts in your background don’t make sense anymore. Whenever you step into your own parents’ home, death threats regarding table manners, sugar restrictions, keeping feet off furniture and so forth are still lurking in the back of your mind. Then, miraculously, your kids enter and food fights, chocolate for breakfast and jumping on the couch with muddy rain boots are suddenly “cute” – not lethal.
- Love is oh-so-ludicrous. The person who steals most of your time, money, sleep, romantic dates and that last yummy bite; who vomits on you, bites you and leaves you to clean up their poo; who wrecks your house and messes up your car; who is responsible for your confused hormones, flabby belly and back spasm; who often embarrasses you in public and tests all your emotional boundaries – that person is not your worst enemy. They are actually your most dearly beloved.
The original version of this article can be found on the website of our partner, Munchkins.
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